lead the world into something more

Its a weird thought that while we are watching our shows, cleaning our home, cooking dinner, reading a blog, the world goes on. People are dying, changing, falling in and out of love. Sometimes i feel like the world is slipping by. i know I’m only 25 and i have my whole life ahead of me. but do i? i smoke and i used to party hard. 75 is what I’m guessing. not because poor little me I’m so depressed and life so hard. no because I’m looking at this in an honest way. i may be one third done with my “whole life.” what am i doing as the world goes on.

You know what I’m doing I’m sitting here writing about the fact that i never do anything, as me and “T” watch rivals. (side note: people are out of control, if you have seen these shows you know what I’m talking about)

I think that i could, not change the world, but that i can be a change in the world. That I’m wasting my life away. I worry about all sorts of dumb things. things to me that aren’t dumb at all. Like will i pick the wrong thing to do with my life. Could i hate it and be miserable or what if it doesn’t bring enough money, I’m happy but i can’t afford to survive.  When’s the right time to have kids? should i have kids? will we be good parents? where do we live? Ive only really ever lived in texas, small towns mostly and now a small city. “T” is from colorado and wants to go home. its so expensive. I wasn’t prepared to be on my own when i left. i had a college dorm and then an apartment with a recliner and a blanket. Ive built up lost it all. now I’m struggling because I’m growing up and all that time spent partying and being a wild child is biting me in the ass. I wouldn’t change it. I have had some of the craziest things go on. not all of them are good, but thats another story.

even though i wouldn’t and couldn’t change my life, i do wish i was going on with my life, that i wouldn’t have done things that i have been doing and started doing things that matter. i want my life to mean something. i want to inspire people. i want to reach out in the world and leave a path to follow. one that can be found around every corner and every turn to do whats right and lead the world in to something more.

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