Where have I been

Working a lot. Not enough time for my thoughts to get out. No time to have thoughts. Just mindless work. My temp job as a sorter is killing my brain I think. All mush from scanning CDs and putting them in boxes. I’m allergic to the card board.
This insurance license test could not come soon enough!


Not excited

I’ve been to sick to write lately.
It’s made me sad because I’d really like to write more, so when I write less I’m a little disappointed.
Tomorrow work.
After missing two days
Not excited

Life as we think we know

It’s so silent.
The world is packed full of loud things created by loads of loud humans.
My temp job is silent
My home life is silent.

My life used to be loud
It’s just crazy what you can find
When all your loud life becomes
Do you like yourself?
Do you known yourself?
Is God up there?
Where am I from?
How long do I have?
What do I do with my life?
Am I a decent human being?
Is decent good enough?
When I’m gone who will know my name?

I used to ponder these things often.
Ive realized to fill ones life with silence
Will make or break them.
So many times I’ve almost broke
But here I am.
Not perfect.
Not complete.
Not strong,
Still stronger than I’ve ever been

What you want to hear

I think I’ve figured this out.
I used to bluntly tell the truth about life, work, love, etc.
but the trick is sometimes you can’t do that, I suppose that’s why we blog.
I find that if I just say more of what people are looking for without saying anything I don’t believe that everything works out so much better.

I don’t have to all the time which is great. I don’t just give In to things, but people see me as a more understanding, better listener. Which I have always been but before they didn’t like what I had to say.
So here is to making life a little easier.

girls only want love if its torture

It Finally happened. thats why its snowing outside. i like a taylor swift song, so thats hell freezing over out there.

At first i was a little suprised. Blank Space.

but it kind of few ways i feel right now.

…..so its gonna be forever or its gonna go down in flames. you can tell me when its over if the high was worth the pain…….

……because we’re young and we’re reckless, we’ll take this way to far it’ll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar……

im not sure i my relationship is going to last. so this is were my connective feelings for this song are coming from.

becuas it is going to last forever, or soon it may go down in flames, im not sure yet. God knows i love her and do want it to lai find things are never in our control though. not even your heart.

so with the maybes that hang in the air will leave me either breathless or with a nasty scar.

hopeful as i am i think the scar is more in my future.

what do you do as you sit and watch your relationship drain of the life it was once full of? how do you stop things you dont control? why does it always work were only one person is trying to rebuild the frame and the other lets the foundation go?

i am growing up so much, im not perfect, but i am truly trying to be a better and stronger person to control my emotions where they cant control me anymore. working on my career. making our life better.

out of left field i maybe with out her.

do you stay and find out if you are worth it? or do you leave with some kind of dignity?

find out if their love was real? of is it ne.

i dont know what to do. if we are gona last. i know its part of the chance you take when you hand someone your heart.

But is there a line when it comes to love? once that its crossed its to much, to far? and if so where do i make that line?

Late night snow

So I guess we are supposed to be getting 5″ of snow. Where was this on Christmas? It was 70 all week and the new year brought snow.
I’m watching it fall as I smoke a cigarette and drink coffee.
It’s ugly here but when it snows there is a calming peace. Usually there are racers zooming by and the occasional cop following. Or just the loud hot rod assholes that like to go by all hours of the night.
Tonight all I hear is the hum of my heater and the falling of the snow.
“T” of course is at work. I’ve no one to enjoy this with.
But it’s okay because this silence is golden.

Into the new year

I Wish that when a new year started everything clean slate. I suppose it would make life to easy. If everything you had struggled with was gone and you got a fresh and better start at everything. if all the things you said you wanted to do in the new year were more achievable.

Sadly its not the way it works. With the new year all it brings is the same life you have been living for all the years before. Maybe in a way it does bring something new. a new found hope to make it through another year, hope to be better, stronger,  smarter, skinner, kinder. More than you ever were.
Is it possible that even if all your resolutions go down the drain you are better and more than the year before?

What will this year bring? I am more than happy 2014 is behind us. To me the new year brings hope.
My life can change this year.
But that’s every year, it’s every day.
All that it depends on is me.
Who am I?
I do not know but let’s see what this year brings