it’s been almost 40 days since “T” and I broke up. She is currently mad and not talking to me. She gets to mess with girls and have them in her house which was once our home. She gets to do as she pleases with no rebuttal from me. Ive given her the freedom she claimed she needed to find herself. I left go because I do truly love her.
She hates my friends and apparently I am having sex with everyone I know. One girl kissed me. One night. Now I’m the bad guy who had hurt her.
If you didn’t want other people kissing me why would you break up with me? I mean it’s what did she think would happen? She is dating other people. I’ve had one girl kiss me.
I don’t even know what to begin to do. I’m tired of being hurt by her and ending up the bad person. I’m a good person, I’d give you the shirt off my back.
So it’s been a few days since I have written anything. I have been making all my time busy. With personal growth and then things to pass the time when I don’t feel like being in my new home. Made some new friends. Connecting with people on new levels. Becoming a different me. I hardly feel like the heartbroken girl who was lost a few weeks ago. I feel so different. Stronger, even a little wiser. I see life in a different manor. Days are easy, nights are getting there.
Today was a good day. Had a great interview and got the job. Have another chance tomorrow for a maybe better job. Got good things going in how I feel about life.
So yesterday it’s past, it’s gone. You can’t change it. Tomorrow isn’t here. Right now this very second is the reality we live in. We have to be happy in our reality. Are you happy right now in this part of your life? Are you doing what makes you happy? Are you going through the motions or are you living?
I want to truly live and be happy and all I have is right now in my own reality. Now I don’t mean like loony you live in your own world. Not crazy. It’s just everyone’s reality on life I different and I can’t control anyone’s and no one can control mine. So right here is my life right now and I am happy in it.
I love that today is about Jesus but I don’t like holidays. It wasn’t so bad when I was with “t” because I finally wasn’t alone on them. Now I am back to being alone. I don’t mind being alone I’m okay with me, but with everything going on in my life I am just so sad. I want my love back. I want to be laying next to her watching a movie. I want to hold her hand. I want to go home. I hate everything going on in my life. I can’t make it go back. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I tried not to but it’s like I can’t breath. I want to be happy again. I don’t know how to be
So I’m officially moved out of her house. It’s really over I guess. So here is to day one.
Started my new job. Getting my life together. Everyone tells me to go sleep with another girl it’ll help. I don’t think it’ll help me do better. It’s easy to fall into a relationship when you are lonely. That’s not fair to anyone involved.
You can’t make something happen and if you just sit around you waste your life away.
So here’s to moving on, even when you don’t want too. Here’s to growing up. Here’s to surviving.