It’s hard to not let people or this world change you. Regardless of how pathetically sad all my post usually are, I’m actually a pretty positive person. Lately it’s harder to stay positive. The world is littered with negativity.
The first line. It’s the one you should have paid attention too. The one you walked right over without a second thought. The one that could have saved you from feeling the way you do right now.
The second line. It’s the one you make without realizing its formed from the shattered pieces of your soul. The one thing you forgot to protect as you tried so hard to make things right.
I can’t feel the line forming. I continue to fight it. Picking up the pieces trying to find the right places as it all falls back into its new formation.
People are always on how I am overly emotional. How I am to much.
The thing is though, we live in a world that has gone cold. We, as the life forms that live in this world, have lost our humanity. While you say I’m to much, I think I’m the last of the life before technology made us mindless zombies. There are no connections except online. It’s sad. Even I’ve fallen into it a little. I mean I blog, have social networks, etc.
I prefer no texting, no phones, no internet. I want real connections, I want to know you. Not the badass you paint online. Who are you? What makes you smile, what touches your heart, what do you like to read, do you write, play instruments, what’s your favorite color? I could learn about people forever.
My heart is deeply saddened by the ending of such a necessary part of humanity. What will these lead too? What will the generations to come have? Will they know any connections? What will happen to love? To friendship? To family bond?
When you want to scream. But it wouldn’t matter. She doesn’t see you. Or maybe just doesn’t care. It’s like I have never mattered. All the change and work I’ve put in. With no help. With feeling more and more like a monster the better I’ve changed. To not giving up because of love. Because she keeps me here for us never to actually be. I just want my life back. Not even my old one, just my life. No story is ever going to be written the way you want it. But should I just give up and start a new chapter?
Where do you place the line? When do you cross it to move on? When do you give up on the love that will stick to you for the rest of your life. When do you let your families feel the loss with you. When do you give all your dreams together up?
I don’t want to lose her.
But it’s like I don’t even have her anyways…
Like I never actually did.
sometimes I feel so together, sometimes I fall completely apart.
Sometimes I feel loved, sometimes I feel hated.
Sometimes I think I’m happy, sometimes I know I’m not.
Bipolar. Yep. Thank you.
I try to control it. But not everything is because I’m bipolar. Just because I have mood swings doesn’t mean every mood change is one. Sometimes it could be because I really am hurting or sad. Maybe upset about something that is real.
Sometimes I just wish you would care to listen.