What you don’t hear about in stories or on movies, is when you fight for some one, it affects your life more then you would have ever thought.
I’ve been working out of town 3 days a week. Training in a town 2 hours away for my job. When I’m there in stressed from not staying in my bed and being in a store I won’t work once mine opens. When I’m home I’m stressed to be home.
It’s like walking on eggshells. Will I saw the wrong things, will this get my called an asshole, will saying how I’m hurting get me left. Living with a girl who doesn’t really want me. Doesn’t really want to let me go. I’m saving up money because If whatever this is, ends again, I refuse to live with anyone like I had to last time.
But the anxiety I get from her wanting me one moment and not the next. From always having to wonder if I did something wrong. With feeling ashamed that I am so sensitive. The anxiety from feeling so very much unwanted.
It’s all I can do to smile, to hold the tears from rushing out from my soul. To pretend everything’s okay.
I’m just fine.