First post for 2020

So the year has already been a trip. I don’t even know how to start with the explanation of why.

You know when you’re a kid and you think your parents hate you. What happens when you grow up and unlike others, you find that they do?

My parents had me very young. In the end my grandmother did most of the important raising parts. Now my dad and my last step mom made a family and when our family fell apart, my dad was so upset about losing some of my siblings. Going on and on about wanting his kids back. (Very understandable) Then he got remarried (wonderful woman who I love) and he got more kids. I am not included in things, he only talks to me to yell at me about things, he always is talking about wanting his other kids or spending time with the new ones. I never left him and stayed by his side through all the crap. He has just always kind of been mean to me and I love him. Oh and my mother, who likes the idea of being a mom. Who wants the stories to tell and the perfect daughter. However she does not like me. I’m gay, I’m not “preppy,” I want to adopt instead of give birth, I’m strong and independent. She hates everything about me.

I know that this is a sad first of the year post but this is what I’m dealing with so far.

Other things have gone good. I’ve been working hard and working on changing my life. Which leads me to deal with the issue of feeling so hated by the people who brought me into this world. I keep trying to be a good daughter but no matter what I do, they just don’t like me.

However on a happy note, I’m working on bettering my life and finding a job that give me a a sense of worth, opening a business, writing more, cleaning more, loving more. I know that I’m worth something and I’m striving to be everything I want to be and not living someone else’s dream.

Ramble of a Writing

Do you love the life you live?

That’s a hard to answer that sometimes. I think that no one loves every part of their life all the time. Right now I’d say I love about half of my life but the half I love now maybe the part I don’t love so much next week.

I love working and getting to meet all these new people but I hate being away from home. I hate missing my lady and our pups. I miss my bed and my pillow (I never remember to bring my pillow). I always want to get alone time and now that I have it I feel lonely.

So the point of what I am saying is that sometimes the things you want aren’t what you need. Sometimes the things you hate become the things you love. If you feel like nothing is going right, tomorrow is a new day and you can change the way you see things. Even the worst of situations can have the best out come. You just have to decide what will make or break you, everything is a temporary situation but what you do with those situations is what matters.

New Day

I deleted all my old post. I needed too. Needed to start new, didn’t need a reminder of who I was. Not that I was bad but I’m more at peace with myself now.

Not that any of that really matters but just in case anyone’s still following me from that time.

So I want to be a lot more series about my writing and to do it more often. Not everyday but a few times a week.

I used to write constantly. Stories, journals, poems…I let life get in the way of who I am.

So much got in the way of me pursing “The American Dream.” Which of course blew up in my face pretty good. My business partner found the company better without me. Which I’m upset about and don’t like the way it was done, however I feel so much lighter inside. I still want to do the same thing but until I can I’m saving up money. I drive 6 hours to stay with my cousin every other week to work Ride Share Jobs in a bigger city. Also do them at home plus two food delivery. Anything not be sucked back into Restaurant Management. I want more than being yelled at by someone who is angry about numbers or working for a pay check that maybe stable but is small.

I always wanted to be a writer. Of course I AM a writer but I want to be a known writer. I want to share with people the way the things I’ve read have shared with me.

So here’s to the remaking of this blog.

Here’s to you for reading it!