A child was born into this world and as it sometimes is, her parents weren’t ready for a baby. The family did not make it to the child’s first Christmas before it broke apart. Do not worry because it was for the best. To many broken families try to stay together and it hurts the children more.
Now away from the weird talking about myself like I’m not actually talking about myself.
I remember being with my grandparents a lot as a child. Maybe that’s mostly what I remember because it’s the only things that no one ever tried to change. I know that I lived with my mom until after Pre-K. My mom tells me she had to send me to my dads because my Step-Dad #1 was going to kidnap me and was abusive to her. I don’t know if that’s true, maybe it is. I remember him teaching me to tie my shoes and ride a bike. Also one time we were digging in the back yard. I don’t remember what it was for but I was a kid and digging holes was cool.
So I went to live with my Dad. I stayed with my grandma after school and Saturday nights. My Dad was married to Step-Mom #1. I hate calling her that because she is an amazing woman and it sounds like she was just a no one. However I love her so much and still talk to her. I remember riding in her white jeep. Going to the lake and river. Painting the house. Her loving me so much. Then one summer my dad called me the day before I was coming home to tell me that she was gone. They broke up and she moved out. He didn’t want me to be surprised when I got home but not to tell my mom. I remember running off into the woods so I could cry without anyone knowing. As I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. I remember getting back home, walking in the door and the house just seemed so empty. Some of my favorite things in the house were gone but also more than that. It was like she took the love and warmth with her when she left. My childhood changed forever.
So the thing about my grandma is that she’s always been super honest with me. Yes she was caring and compassionate but she also needed me to grow up with the tools I needed to make it. My life was about to become so complicated and she knew I’d need things to survive it. Had she not been there and helped me, I would not of made it. This is important to know for all the comes after this.
I know this first chapter is small and boring. I just needed to set the correct things in motion. Not all my life was trauma and I think this nice beginning was needed. Third – sixth grade is next chapter. Don’t worry it isn’t as boring from here on out
We are about to go on a small adventure of my life. To know a day in the life of me, what it really means to me.
I suppose some of this is for me, all of it probably. Some times the best way to work through things is to get them out. Write them out, see the words on the outside rather than in.
I know I said I wanted to be most positive in my blog post…this will not all be positive. That’s life, it’s not anyways sunshine and rainbows. It’s what you let it become that matters. I could continue to use it all as a crutch or I can have it as a journey that leads to the life I want. Which is the life I have. Every day, even the messy ones.
I’m going to write it in parts to not bombard the brave ones still reading this. It’ll be easier to work through. I mostly remember my life this way. Chapters of me.
That’s a hard to answer that sometimes. I think that no one loves every part of their life all the time. Right now I’d say I love about half of my life but the half I love now maybe the part I don’t love so much next week.
I love working and getting to meet all these new people but I hate being away from home. I hate missing my lady and our pups. I miss my bed and my pillow (I never remember to bring my pillow). I always want to get alone time and now that I have it I feel lonely.
So the point of what I am saying is that sometimes the things you want aren’t what you need. Sometimes the things you hate become the things you love. If you feel like nothing is going right, tomorrow is a new day and you can change the way you see things. Even the worst of situations can have the best out come. You just have to decide what will make or break you, everything is a temporary situation but what you do with those situations is what matters.
I deleted all my old post. I needed too. Needed to start new, didn’t need a reminder of who I was. Not that I was bad but I’m more at peace with myself now.
Not that any of that really matters but just in case anyone’s still following me from that time.
So I want to be a lot more series about my writing and to do it more often. Not everyday but a few times a week.
I used to write constantly. Stories, journals, poems…I let life get in the way of who I am.
So much got in the way of me pursing “The American Dream.” Which of course blew up in my face pretty good. My business partner found the company better without me. Which I’m upset about and don’t like the way it was done, however I feel so much lighter inside. I still want to do the same thing but until I can I’m saving up money. I drive 6 hours to stay with my cousin every other week to work Ride Share Jobs in a bigger city. Also do them at home plus two food delivery. Anything not be sucked back into Restaurant Management. I want more than being yelled at by someone who is angry about numbers or working for a pay check that maybe stable but is small.
I always wanted to be a writer. Of course I AM a writer but I want to be a known writer. I want to share with people the way the things I’ve read have shared with me.